Mind is the creator of attachment, not heart. Many confuse non-attachment with detachment. We envision a hermit living life in a cave with no companionship, and that is very unappealing for most of us. Most of us want to have relationships, to have children, to have friends, to make love, to enjoy life, etc. Can we do all of that in a state of non-attachment? Non-attachment is not a lack of love, it is not a lack of connection, quite the opposite. I would in fact define non-attachment as akin to unconditional love. Non-attachment is actually a state of very deep connection, connection to source, to self, to all. It is connection without conditions, without any need to prove anything or for anything else to prove itself to you. Mind creates ego and ego creates attachment because it needs attachment to feel real, and to feel justified. It needs to latch on to something to say “aha – that is what I am!” The soul needs no justification, it does not need anything outside itself to tell it what it is. The soul thus has no attachments, only the mind does. Therefore the state of non-attachment is the state of being in deep connection with your soul, and your soul by nature is connected to every being on earth and everything in the universe.
The state of attachment is a state of mind, it is a state of believing that things and situations in the outer world are what define you – your job, your money, your country, your relationships, your story, your talents, etc. And if you lose one of these things, or if you attach yourself to something that you can’t obtain in the immediate moment (i.e – “I’ll be happy once I have that job, that house, that partner”), you suffer because you feel incomplete as a person, or you feel as if you’ve lost part of yourself. You also feel fear of losing these things, because fear is imagining the potential future instead of being in the moment. Thus, another key to non-attachment is living in the moment. If you are always in fear of losing someone or something, you cannot enjoy the connection which you share in the moment. The connection you have in the moment with someone, without conditions or fears, is always joyful. Non-attachment in a relationship, for example, means not that you are detached from the person you are in a relationship with, it means that you are deeply connected, but that you recognize that the connection itself is what matters, and not how it looks to others, or what the outcome of the relationship will be – after all, every relationship you have will eventually end, either through separation or death. Thus attaching oneself to the outcome of any relationship will only cause suffering. Because all forms are impermanent, they must be appreciated in the moment, as they are, without conditions.
The other mis-perception is that if you are in a state of non-attachment that you won’t ever feel the pain of loss. The pain of loss, or grief, is part of being human. Sorry, there is no way around it. I feel certain that even Buddha and Jesus and all the ascended masters felt the pain of grief at some point during their lives on earth. It is natural to feel grief-stricken if you lose a fellow human being from the earthly realm. The difference is only that in a state of non-attachment, the grief will not overtake you, it will not become part of your pain body, your story. It will be felt, processed, and eventually transmuted. It will pass through you instead of overtake you. It will be recognized as a symptom of deep love and connection, along with the awareness that the connection never truly dies. Connection itself, or love, is the eternal essence within which all impermanent forms arise and fade away. As Rumi said “The lover’s pain is also the lover’s greatest joy.” The pain of loss or separation is an aspect of deep connection, and the connection is the source of joy. This becomes clearer in a state of non-attachment, where all connection is joyful because it is without conditions.
Suffering is the belief that you are not God, that you are not connected to anything else in creation or anyone else on a deeper level. Because you are out of touch with your connection to anything on the soul level, you instead create attachments via the ego. These attachments then become what defines you because you are unaware of your true divine nature. The root of the suffering thus is being unaware of your own divinity and connection to all else. The attachments are like a symptom of being in that state. Eastern philosophies such as Buddhism stress the link between attachment and suffering. The only way to truly release your attachments in the end, is to get in touch with your essential self, your divine self, the part of you that needs no justification, no identity, no attachments. Then releasing ego-based attachments happens naturally. To get in touch with your divine, essential self, find the stillness within. Meditation is the easiest way to do this. If you do not already have a meditation practice, begin simply by sitting quietly and focusing on the breath, and on the heartbeat. As thoughts come, simply allow them to pass through without judgment and bring your focus back to the breath and the heartbeat. The still awareness behind your thoughts is the gateway to the Eden within you. Non-attachment will flow naturally from that place. There is no need to focus on non-attachment, it will happen as a result of your heightening consciousness and your connection to your true, divine self.